We're Not in Kansas, Anymore, Toto. . .

A long-time girlfriend invited me to enjoy the Asian spa near her house. She explains, it's an Asian spa and it's a bit different from any of the spas I may have visited. First of all, it's all women (I'm cool with that) and you walk around naked (Ruh-Roh, Reorge). After a few moments spent mentally reviewing my body's deficiencies, I take a deep breath, then decide, I'm ok with this.

A few days before our visit, we decide we will indulge ourselves in a treatment. Pay attention here, because I need you to visualize this service and the environment. We both pick the super premium package -- body scrub, body shampoo, full body aromatherapy massage, scalp massage, facial, hair shampoo, full body moisturizer. One hour, forty minutes of being treated like a goddess.

We remove our shoes, disrobe and put our clothes in our locker, gather our lightweight robe and towels, and head for the showers. (You must shower first and after exiting the steam room and sauna). Surprisingly, the whole naked thing wasn't a big deal. Actually, it was rather empowering and freeing. There were some ladies who looked as if I should pin them down and force feed them red velvet cake and fried chicken, while others look like they could eat me. Thankfully, I was right in the middle of the bell curve.

We enjoy the pools (definitely, do the cold one, too) saunas, then have time for a nice rest on the heated tile floor. My masseuse, a middle-aged Korean woman named Son, calls me for my service. We greet each other and she instructs me to lie down on my stomach.

Now, I'm used to spa services being provided in private, dimly lit rooms, Yanni playing on the CD, with a sheet wrapped around me, and my underwear on (if I prefer). Well, this is a long room with about (6) tables 2'-3' apart. No privacy. No sheet. Definitely no underwear. The only thing separating me from my neighbors is a warm towel on my face and my own modesty.

Wearing a glove, Son begins exfoliating at my feet and works her way completely up the back side of my body. COMPLETELY!. In my head, I know I "yelped", but not out loud. While lying on the table, I'm rinsed with some soothingly warm water. In broken English, "Turn over". I comply.

I thought we knew each other intimately before, but now Son and I really get to know each other. Again starting at my feet, Son begins working the gloves in short, fast strokes, exfoliating like her life depends on it. When she re-positions one of my legs (picture the number '4') to get at my inner thigh, I am suddenly more alert that I have ever been in my life! In broken English, "You ok?"

Gulp! I can only mumble hmm-hmm. By now, I'm thinking I know this woman and I have entered into, at the very least, a civil union. You cannot have this kind of intimacy and not be in a committed relationship!

She continues and I get another warm shower, right on the table. Just when I think we're done. She says, "On your side". For the love of God, what else can she exfoliate?! How much dead skin can one person have?! Again, I comply. By this time, my skin is, literally, tingling. All over. Seriously, ALL OVER!

At this point, she helps me sit up. I make every effort to keep my eyes off my friend and the other women. She gives me a dallop of facial cleanser and sends me to the showers to rinse off.

My friend and I meet in the showers, giggle over the whole experience, and marvel and how absolutely luxurious our skin feels. Obviously, we had not been exfoliating properly, prior to this. She leaves, but is sent right back. She didn't do a good job of removing all the sloughed off skin. I learn from her mistake, and make sure to move 'tha girls' and let the shower spray get all those secret places. Well, they used to be secret places, before I met Son.

I pass Son's inspection, so back on the table I go. After another 1:20 of massaging, moisturizing, and aromatherapy-izing, I am so relaxed and my skin is more beautiful that it has ever been.

As she helps me into a warm robe and puts spa slippers on my feet, Son admonishes me not to shower today or get back into the pools. Hell, I can't! I am so freakin' oiled and moisturized the runoff would cause an environmental oil slick off the California Coastline. I really think I am two shades lighter than when I arrived and I used to have tan lines! Son has exfoliated me so, new skin is afraid to grow back!

Visiting an Asian spa certainly qualifies as "stepping outside my comfort zone". And, I did have a really great time with my girlfriend. As I write this, I'm still glowing and tingling. Everywhere! I can hardly wait to go, again!

P.S: There was no inappropriate touching. Son was completely professional.