Marriage Is No Place for Sissies!

In all fairness, the actual quote, attributed to Bette Davis, is, "Old age is no place for sissies".  But, the same applies to marriage.  Marriage isn't for the immature, uncompromising, or overly sensitive, either. 

My Sweetie and I are celebrating another anniversary, which always puts me in a reflective mood.  Lately, I've been thinking about what I've learned over the past several years of marriage. 

We both work hard at have a marriage that is fulfilling and successful.  But, since this is PlanetSandra, my point of view will prevail.  But, I think my Sweetie would agree with me. 

I cannot take all the credit for these revelations.  They're the result of observation and conversation.  I love to ask happily married couples what's their secret.  Not so surprisingly, there have been a few recurring themes -- communication, respect, God/faith, common interests, making each other a priority. 

Men and women do not speak the same language!  Married people need to be bi-lingual -- men need to speak Womanese and women need to speak Manglish.  These are not just verbal languages, they encompass all areas of communication -- body language, inflection, tone, etc.  Learn to communicate with your partner in a meaningful way. 

Do you, Boo!  Do what works for your marriage, regardless of what anyone else says.  Sure, you can learn from others, but find your own rhythm and do what works for the two of you. 

Give your spouse of the gift of getting along with your in-laws.  Unless they're clinically insane, find something about your in-laws you can like.  Don't force your spouse to choose between you and their family.  The flipside of this lesson is:  Take up for your spouse.  If there is a problem with the in-laws, advocate for your spouse.  Don't let them be bullied by your family.  (I need to add this is not a problem in our family.  My in-laws are wonderful)
 
Sometimes, let your sweetie win.  No one likes to be on the losing end of an argument, all the time.  Let the other person have their way and keep a good attitude about it.

Be a rhinocerous!  What I mean to say is, don't be thin-skinned.  If there are two ways to take something your spouse has said, and one way is kind, loving, nurturing, and supportive -- take it that way.

I could probably go on, but these are things I really try to incorporate into my daily life.  Rev. Diane, if you read this -- you do good work!