She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister

Women NEED girlfriends.  Without them, we're like newborn babies who've never been touched:  we don't thrive. 

I've long thought women suffer from the Women's Disease.  Symptoms of the Women's Disease include:

1. Being incredibly hard on one's self.
2. Fixating on the tiniest of flaws; real or imagined.
3. Possessing an incredible sense of dissatisfaction with one's output.
4. Not saying, "No".
5. Not realizing our worth -- we are like precious rubies
6. Being smart, but making poor decisions

We need our girlfriends to tell us when we're suffering with a case of Women's Disease.  For obvious reasons, I'm not going to name names, but one particularly accomplished friend was beating herself up and ready to quit a program she was working on because she wasn't "contributing".  Incredulously, I asked, "Are you sh------ me?"  You've done. . . and. . .and. . ., and you think you're not contributing?

In her mind, because she hadn't done one thing -- she was not contributing.  Thankfully, I think she heard me and will stop fixating on that one, singular, omission and focus on all the many ways in which she has contributed to the program.

Another friend is in love (lust??) with a guy who has told her he's not interested in a stable relationship.  She's going to change him.  Why do otherwise intelligent women always think they're going to change him?

Women need to have a core group of women friends whom they can rely on to give them a dose of reality.  I'm not talking about casual acquaintances.  I'm talking about friends who know the truth and will take it to the grave with them.  Friends who will tell you the brutal truth in the most loving, supportive, and positive way.  Friends who will stay stone cold sober, while you drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine or shots of Tequila.  Friends who will, genuinely, rejoice when you excel. 

If you're a woman and you don't have at least one friend like that. . .I don't even know what to say.  One of the greatest blessings of my life is being loved by other woman.  I have been abundantly blessed that I have 3-4 core friends and I'm madly in love with each of them. 

Here are just a few ways in which we love one another:

We rejoice for one another.  When I call my best friend and tell her my good news, her joy is unselfish.  It is as if my wonderful event has happened to her.

We encourage one another.  A friend was having a bad day at work and called me because she knew I would raise her spirits.  I'm honored to do that for her.

We support one another.  Years ago, I did something really stupid. When I called a friend for help, she said, "Sandra, you are the most rational person I know.  If you think you made a mistake, I will help you fix it."  No questions asked.

We keep each other's secrets.  Enough said.   

We tell each other the truth.  Yes, your butt does look big in that!  And, I will not let you go out looking less than your very best.  I may make fun of you, but nobody else will.

We share wisdom with one another.  "Now, baby. . ." when one of my friends begins with those words, I know something good is coming.  I'm all too willing to learn from her life experiences, minimize my own suffering, and maximize my own happiness.

We forgive each other. 

The Bible warns us against not having friends in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 -- Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Men I Would Refuse to Date

Along with the women in my service organization, I participated in a book club discussion of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress.  The facilitator recalled passages where the author and her sister make a list of men they would refuse to date: men named Dwayne or Bruce; men who have the high strange laugh of a distant loon; men who bring index cards with prewritten conversation starters on a first date.

 We all had a big laugh as we shared characteristics of men we would refuse to date.  Answers included:

Men who are too metrosexual.  There's only room for one diva in this relationship!
Men who smoke.  Funny how this was a non-issue at one time.
Men in poor health.  This, from an 80 year old member.

Men who stifled us. Thank you for letting me be myself!

Men who don't like to talk.  No commentary needed.

Being married, I haven't given much thought to men I would refuse to date, but our group got me to thinking.  Admitedly, some of these things are just plain shallow and might not be readily apparent, but once I found out -- beat it, scram, get outta here!

1. Men with too many bumper stickers on their car.  Really, by too many, I mean one.  The only exception might be one bumper sticker expressing patriotism.
2. Men who would eat the last of one of my favorite snacks.  Even if it's his favorite, too, he should ask me if I want the last one.
3. Men who wouldn't talk to me during sports.  Hey, I'm only watching 'cause I like you, so you'd better talk to me.
4. Men named Elliot.  I just don't like that name.  Sorry.
5. Men with ugly feet.  Ugly feet gross me out.
6. Men who say, "Pull my finger".  What are you, 10!
7. Men who can't cook or fix stuff.  All the men in my family can cook and are mechanically inclined.
8. Men with bad teeth/breath/skin.  I couldn't even think about kissing him.
9. Men with feminine hands.  I like a man with strong hands.  Callouses are ok, too.
10. Men who talk on their cell phone while they're with you.  I need it to be all about me.

 Hmm, I thought this would be a hard list to compile.  What men would you refuse to date?

I'm Not That Dog's Aunt!

That's what I keep saying, but they're not listening.  Now, I'm even being referred to as "TT".  Thanks, Steve!  (For those who don't know, "TT" is a term of endearment for one's aunt)

Ok, I will concede to being referred to as "Auntie" in reference to the dog -- she is just so darn adorable -- but, I draw the line at kissing her.  Lips that touch (all the stuff that dog lips touch) will never touch mine!

Like any good aunt, I dog-sat Fluffy while my friends went away. 

As an aside. . .I love that they go away, without the kid, and just enjoy each other's company. 

I never expected this little event to turn into a learning experience for me!  I love, love, love, dogs and Fluffy is especially lovable -- not a yapper, no "mistakes" inside the house, obedient, and companionable.  What's not to love about this dog?!

Her visit left me with more than just dog hair in the carpet (small price to pay).  I was surprised at the insight our visit left me with.  I would say I gained insight into dog behavior, but I think some things could apply to human behavior, as well.

Dogs have no regard for your privacy:  With most people, if you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, they occupy themselves and politely ignore how long you've been gone.  Not dogs.  After she figured out I was prone to leave the room several times throughout the day, she stopped following me out immediately.  But, if I weren't back in some sufficient dog-time, she was on my trail.  If that trail happened to lead to the bathroom, so what.  She would just nudge the door open, walk in as if she owned the place, look me in the eye, and just stand there.  Excuse me! Funny thing is, by the end of her visit, she had trained me to expect her to appear during my "private time".

Dogs bring out the best in people:  Trying to be a responsible dog-sitter, I took Fluffy with me on my errands.  Everyplace we went, people stopped to inquire about her and talk with us.  Wait staff made sure she had water and pet her, strangers helped untangle her leash and gave me tips, and dog lovers wanted to discuss her breed.  This was such a departure from having the person seated nearby totally ignore everyone around them as they texted or talked on their cell phone.  Strangers being nice to each other, making casual conversation, and smiling and laughing.  What a concept!

Dogs know how to have a good time!:  We were invited to a party.  Technically, Fluffy was invited to a party -- I was just a hanger-on.  Our crazy friends have, not 1, not 2, but 3 Chi-wa-was (I'm not even going to try to spell that correctly).  After the dogs warmed up to each other, they were sharing toys, treats and just having a ball!  And, that little rascal, Charlie, was crushin' on Fluffy!  We think he was actually flexing his muscles!  Is it a little bit pathetic that a dog party ranks among one of the best parties I've been to in awhile?

Dogs have mastered the art of just "being":  Watching TV.  Having coffee.  Watering the yard.  Working at the computer.  On the telephone.  Fluffy was never far from me, but she was never intrusive (humans, take a lesson!).  She was content to just be with me, without smothering me (yes, I know how that sounds!).  When she wanted my attention or some interaction, she knew how to get it:  I was sitting with my legs draped across our leather chair and she wanted me to pick her up, but I wouldn't.  That little charmer took a few steps backward and leaped into my lap!  I was so shocked I LOL!  Well, how could I say "No" after that.  She promptly curled up into my lap and fell asleep.  I think I dozed off, too.

If my dog doesn't like you. . .:  If I had a dog, who would I let dog-sit for me?  I'm so grateful Fluffy's parents (if I'm an aunt, they're parents) trusted me enough to leave her with me and I didn't disappoint them.  It's easy to see how people become so attached to their dog.  Dogs know if you're trustworthy and loving (maybe even lovable), so if I had a dog and if my dog didn't like you, well. . .I'll just leave it at that.

By the time my friends returned, Fluffy and I were ready.  We'd enjoyed each other's company, but were both ready for things to return to "normal". I gotta say, though, my "normal" is a little bit different, now.

Lord, Give Me the Strength. . .

When I taught Sunday School (don't laugh!), there was a young lady in my class that seemed to try everyone's patience, including my own.  Several of my students complained to me about her behavior and about not liking her.  (In retrospect, she may have had some undisclosed mental/behavioral issues.)

I acknowledged they had every right to feel the way the did.  But, I also presented them with a question:  What if she is a test of your faith?

I suggested  we all consider how we interact with her as a real-world situation where we got to put our beliefs into practical use.  As Christians, we are cautioned to exercise patience, act humbly and compassionately, and to behave lovingly toward one another.  So, I understood how their "feelings" were in direct conflict with their "faith".

Twenty years later, I find myself in a similar situation.  A colleague with whom I routinely interact is, consistently, overbearing, insensitive, and dismissive.  And, not just to me.  To compound matters, they seem completely self-unaware of how they're perceived.  Which raises another question in my mind,  How can any reasonably intelligent person be so unaware of how others perceive them?

Funny thing is, while these characteristics make dealing with them a challenge, I genuinely like this person.  When they're not being overbearing, insensitive, and dismissive, they're smart, enthusiastic, and industrious.  But, it's hard to get by the other stuff and see these admirable traits.  Honestly, I didn't even recognize them, at first, because I was so blinded by the "bad" stuff.

Nonetheless, recent events have made overlooking the other stuff quite challenging.  As difficult as it may be, I'm going to take my own advice -- hey, it was good advice then and still is, now. 

Furthermore, Proverbs 12:16 says, "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Instead of being annoyed, I will pray for the Spirit’s power to change my own heart and mind  toward this person and give me the strenght to see them as needing the same love, grace and mercy that God has extended toward us. 

And also because my parents didn't raise no fool!

We Were on a Break!

I cannot believe it's been 4 months since I posted to my blog.  Don't think for one second it's been because I haven't had anything to say -- I always have something to say!  The best way to explain my absence is that I've been too busy living Life to write about it.

One major event since my last post was my Sweetie had a milestone birthday and we celebrated with a trip to Chicago, where we had a FAN-TAB-U-LOUS time!  Here we are in front of the reflective art piece, Cloud Gate, in Millennium Park. 

   Moving forward, let's see if I can't do a better job of living my Life and writing about it.

Marriage Is No Place for Sissies!

In all fairness, the actual quote, attributed to Bette Davis, is, "Old age is no place for sissies".  But, the same applies to marriage.  Marriage isn't for the immature, uncompromising, or overly sensitive, either. 

My Sweetie and I are celebrating another anniversary, which always puts me in a reflective mood.  Lately, I've been thinking about what I've learned over the past several years of marriage. 

We both work hard at have a marriage that is fulfilling and successful.  But, since this is PlanetSandra, my point of view will prevail.  But, I think my Sweetie would agree with me. 

I cannot take all the credit for these revelations.  They're the result of observation and conversation.  I love to ask happily married couples what's their secret.  Not so surprisingly, there have been a few recurring themes -- communication, respect, God/faith, common interests, making each other a priority. 

Men and women do not speak the same language!  Married people need to be bi-lingual -- men need to speak Womanese and women need to speak Manglish.  These are not just verbal languages, they encompass all areas of communication -- body language, inflection, tone, etc.  Learn to communicate with your partner in a meaningful way. 

Do you, Boo!  Do what works for your marriage, regardless of what anyone else says.  Sure, you can learn from others, but find your own rhythm and do what works for the two of you. 

Give your spouse of the gift of getting along with your in-laws.  Unless they're clinically insane, find something about your in-laws you can like.  Don't force your spouse to choose between you and their family.  The flipside of this lesson is:  Take up for your spouse.  If there is a problem with the in-laws, advocate for your spouse.  Don't let them be bullied by your family.  (I need to add this is not a problem in our family.  My in-laws are wonderful)
 
Sometimes, let your sweetie win.  No one likes to be on the losing end of an argument, all the time.  Let the other person have their way and keep a good attitude about it.

Be a rhinocerous!  What I mean to say is, don't be thin-skinned.  If there are two ways to take something your spouse has said, and one way is kind, loving, nurturing, and supportive -- take it that way.

I could probably go on, but these are things I really try to incorporate into my daily life.  Rev. Diane, if you read this -- you do good work!

I Would Remember That!

What I do remember is standing at the kitchen sink when Jordan said it.  It was February 28.  We were discussing the dedication of their baby.  The exchange went something like this --

Him:  We didn't tell you, you guys were the godparents?

Me (eyebrows furrowed):  No.

Him:  I'm sure we mentioned it when he was born.
Me (excited, but looking puzzled):  No.  I would have remembered that!

Him:  Of course we want you guys to be his godparents.
Me (trying not to cry): We would love to be his godparents. 

I was so overcome with emotion, I was speechless.  We're Noah's godparents. 

Me (yelling into the next room):  Tim!  We're Noah's godparents!

On the outside, I'm sure I was smiling.  Inside my head, I'm practicing.

Our godson is visiting for the weekend.

We'd love to come to your thing, but we can't.  We're attending our godson's thing.

Oh, him?  He's our godson.

Would you mind if our godson joined us?

In retrospect, it makes perfectly good sense they would ask us.  No, really.  Besides his parents, I'm pretty certain we have more pictures of this kid than anyone else.  He's only about 8 monts old, and we have taken at least a 100 pictures of him.  If they didn't ask us to be godparents, it would just be creepy.  So, they had to ask.

I'm Rich!

We're trying to buy a house.  We're just in the beginning stages, but it would certainly be easier if money were no object. 

It's not that we're looking for a fancy home, but we happen to live where real estate, any real estate is expensive.  Because money is a factor, I started thinkin' about things in my life that have no bearing on the amount of money I have:

My mom would still think I was amazing and could do anything I set my mind to.  I wonder if she knows that I'm flying by the seat of my pants, most of the time.

I would still receive the most amazing birthday cards from Hollise and Donnalee.  And, they insist I am everything their cards say I am.  If they're right, I am sumthin' special!

When Kim is having a bad day, she would call me to vent, to be encouraged, and to be reminded that she's awesome (she is!).  This makes me feel humble and powerful, at the same time.

Even though they're my friends, Glenda and Petrain always ask about my Sweetie and remind me to be good to him.  They tell me "Sandra, let that man have his say!"  I do!

I still married well. My husband's parents and family really make me feel like I'm one of them.

Carrie and Jordan would still blow me away with their request that we be godparents to their son.

No matter how upscale the neighborhood, Christian will always announce himself, loudly, with "Ma, it's me!"

Where it counts, I'm rich!

I Can't Help Myself

One of my goals was to read at least one book each month in 2010.  It's only March and I'm already 2 months behind. 

The first book I planned to read only has 169 pages and I just can't seem to find the time.  Ok, that's not exactly truthful.  If I quit watching reruns of The Office, I would have time to read.  But I can't.  This show is LOL, slap your thighs, hold your side -- funny!  And highly addictive.  Whenever my Sweetie hears me laughing out loud, he knows I'm watching The Office.  I TiVo episodes on every television in the house, so I can watch whether I'm in bed or in the family room.

My girl, Kisha, tried to get me to watch this show when it first started.  But, I said No.  I should have listened to her.  Now, she's telling me I should watch Arrested Development.  No.  If I start watching another show, I'll never get caught up on my reading.  Right now, I'm only 2 months behind, there's still hope that I could catch up. 

I just need to focus and get down to business.  That's what she said.

I Choose the Light

God is so good!  Today, I felt myself being pulled, no, pushed, into a funky mood.  Lately, I've just been feeling a bit overwhelmed and off-kilter.

Recent working-related events and personal commitments were about to overwhelm me and I felt a grayness coming over me.  In my head, I was thinking, no, praying, Lord, please don't let me slip into grayness.  I need to see the Light.

And, just like that (snap!), God showed me that while I may have a lot on my plate, I have a lot of help.

• I recently suffered a setback at work.  A major setback.  My boss' reaction was to encourage me and be supportive.  He could have taken a really hard line and been very "un":  un-reasonable, un-sympathetic and un-relenting.  But, he wasn't.
• I'm the editor of my service group's newsletter.  A mass mailing of almost 600 newsletters coincided with an unexpected business trip.  How in the hell am I supposed to mail 600 newsletters when I'm 300 miles away?!  Here's how:  one friend volunteers to pick up everything from the printer and deliver it to my house; another friend volunteers to coordinates a crew to assemble and mail them; my husband couriers assembled newsletters to the post office and picks up more stamps.

Instead of being in a gray, funky mood and feeling overwhelmed, I decided to feel over-blessed:  I have a job I love and a boss who is supportive; I have friends who jump right in and help me; and most of all I have a husband who knows that "love" is an action word.

Matthew 5:16 tells us that we should let our light shine, do good works and God will be glorified.  I wonder if my friends knew it was their shining light and good works that would remind me of God's goodness.  So, grayness, go away from this place!  It is only God's Light that I will see and allow to overtake me.

Leaving Las Vegas

That's the best part about Las Vegas. 

The casinos are smoke-filled, dark, noisy, and smelly.  I hate the fact that I leave smelling like I rubbed cigarette ashes all over me.

This trip was only made tolerable by The Signature at MGM Grand.  Located right off the trip, on the MGM Grand property, this hotel was fabulous!  Great rates.  Valet parking.  Outstanding Customer Service.  Private Entrance.  Large rooms.  No casino.  No smoking.  No noise.  FAB-U-LOUS!

I think I actually enjoyed this trip to Vegas. 

What is it with Vegas and its strip malls?  If a place isn't in or adjacent to a casino, it's in a strip mall.  On my way out of town, I decided to forego breakfast at the Peppermill and headed over to a small joint called Jamm's (y'all know how I love a 'joint').  The corned-beef hash was home made, potatoes were crispy, and the service was friendly.

Maybe Las Vegas isn't such a bad place after all.

One Down. . .

. . .just a few more to go.

This year, one of my goals was to visit the Norton Simon Museum. We've driven by this museum dozens of times since living in the SGV.

It was so worth it! We saw paintings by Picasso (Woman with a Book, pictured), sketches by Rembrandt, and the stunningly beautiful Comtesse d'Haussonville by Ingres (pronounced Ang), which was on loan.

Whenever I visit museums, I'm always surprised at how vivid the paintings are. Many of these paintings dated from the 14th century, but the color was still so vivid -- you could see the brush strokes on the canvas. One of my favorites was this Still Life with Lemons, Oranges and a Rose, by Francisco Zubaran. You can actually see the texture on the skin of the lemons!

I can't wait to visit again and explore the grounds and see more of the Asian art.

Love is You!

What a surprise -- my sweetie made real plans for Valentine's Day!

We've never made a big deal about Valentine's Day. A card. Maybe a small, inexpensive gift. I cook at home and we enjoy a delicious, unhurried, dinner.

But this year, my Sweetie surprised me with tickets to see John Legend in concert. Several months ago, I purchased one of his CD's and Sweetie just fell in love with it! He played it all the way to New Mexico. Continuously. For 800 miles. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and had to ask for a break. (Road Trip rules state the driver controls the music).

I think because we usually don't make a big deal of Valentine's Day, it was a special treat to get dressed up and go out. It's weird, but there's something nice about standing in the driveway, all dressed up, knowing you're just a car ride away from a good time. And John Legend didn't disappoint.

I Feel Like. . .

. . .peanut butter without the jam. . .macaroni with no cheese. . .Abbott sans Costello. . .

This past summer, I began participating in a community-organized mentoring program. I took my job as mentor very seriously -- meeting with the parent and the child at her home before we were officially partnered; talking with the Program Coordinator; asking people who know me very well whether they thought I could be a mentor; setting up a regular schedule for our meetings. I even had to be fingerprinted.

Everything was going great for several months. We went to the movies, cooked, played video games, and went to the library. As part of the program, we did even more fun stuff, like hiking, visiting the Aquarium of the Pacific, and attending an Angels baseball game. I was having a great time and so was mini-me (that's what I called my mentee). Then CRASH!! Things stopped going so great -- mini-me started missing our scheduled "dates" and the parent wouldn't call me.

On at least half-dozen ocassions, I attempted to speak with the parent. I thought maybe we needed to adjust our schedule and pick a more convenient time for our activities. Finally, after getting no response, I had to speak to the Program Coordinator. He made several attempts with the same results -- no response.

So, now I'm a mentor with no mini-me. I'm sad.

A Weight Has Been Lifted

CJ moved out. It's like a 170-lb. weight has been lifted off my back.

Is it wrong that I'm absolutely giddy? He's been back at home for less than a year, but it just seems like its been so much longer. My kid has so many good qualities -- funny, kind, compassionate -- and he's a great friend to everyone who knows him.

But he's still 21 and goofy as hell!

I've been listening to everything our friends and family have been saying and I know he's just like other 21 year old boys. But, this is what goes through my mind when I look at him: This is somebody's husband and father?!

He is so not ready to be anybody's husband or father. Husbands and fathers need to be dependable, rational, and selfless. He's none of those things. Some girl is going to blame me! And it's not my fault! CJ got (and continues to receive) plenty of attention, love, discipline, and guidance.

Like generations of parents before us, we'll just continue to pray, have him over for Sunday dinner and send him home with plenty of leftovers; listen patiently, smile, and nod at his latest (goofy) idea; and let him do the ocassional load of laundry at our house.

When he leaves, we'll hug each other and do the happy dance. WhooHoo!

My Own Undercover Boss!

Recently, I was looking forward to seeing a new television show: Undercover Boss. I know it was probably heavily edited and sappy, but the premise was appealing -- an executive goes undercover to work with the hourly employees of the company.

I missed the show, but I had my own "Undercover Boss" experience. A new customer has been having some problems and it required the coordination of Sales (me), Manufacturing, Quality, Transportation and Customer Service to try to resolve the situation.

After weeks of making a little headway and having a bigger setback, I felt as if I had exhausted all of my skills and resources trying to fix the many problems that cropped up. I had nothing else to throw at the situation. I told my boss I needed him to get into the trenches and manage a specific situation. To his, credit, he immediately stepped in.

He had no idea it would, literally, consume 2 days. He took on the responsibility of exchanging phone calls and emails, waiting for data, coordinating resources, etc. You get the idea. All this went on while I just observed. After all was said and done, he said: Before, I knew what you went through, now I really know.

Now, unlike the show, my situation didn't involve secrecy, but my boss did have to get involved in the day-to-day details of my work. It felt good to be validated and have my hard work acknowledged.

A raise would be good, too.

Older AND Wiser

I hope.

Recently, I was chatting with a friend who's celebrating her 40th birthday this year. WhooHoo!! We were saying how turning 40 brings some changes in your attitude and point of view.

That conversation got me to thinking about what I've learned over my lifetime. More precisely, whether I've acquired any wisdom. We know a lot of stuff, but do we let the knowing dictate our behavior? To me, when you let the knowing affect your behavior, that's wisdom.

Here's some of the wisdom I've acquired:

Sometimes, it's ok to say absolutely nothing. Rarely, will you have to apologize, backpedal, or eat crow for saying nothing. An added benefit is that silence will ocassionally allow you to prevail. While attending Community College, I petitioned an instructor to change my grade from a 'B' to an 'A'. I left her a brief voicemail explaining why I thought the change was warranted. I don't recall exactly what I said when she returned my call, but I probably wasn't very nice. . .blah. . .blah. . .blah. When I finally allowed her to speak, she said she had already decided to make the change based on my initial phone call, but that my additional comments were unwarranted and disconcerting.

I don't always get to know "Why?". When you're 20, you need to have things resolved tidily. When you're 40, you're at peace with the not knowing; sometimes, you're not even interested in the "Why?". You move on. You get over it.

High School isn't important. About 20 years ago, an acquantenance's 14-year old son killed himself. The aftermath was so traumatic, the mother developed a stutter. Sadly, this kid didn't get to realize that what goes on in high school -- being popular, athletic, cool, etc. -- doesn't mean sh**!! Most of us have forgotten about it by the time we graduate from college. For the vast majority of us, high school experiences are so forgettable and have little bearing on the person we ultimately become.

It's a good thing Life isn't fair. If life were fair, we'd all get everything we deserved, every single time. Knowing what I know, just the thought of that is terrifying. I am so relieved and grateful Life cuts me some slack.

Loving another adult unconditionally is unnatural (and stupid!). If you're older than 5, you've got to earn (my) love! Develop standards for the way people treat you and impose them. Knowing that love can be lost motivates me to demonstrate that I am worthy (and I am) to have it.

Treat everyone respectfully; be nice. These go hand-in-hand. Don't be nicer to the President (of the company) than you are to the janitor. While living in St. Louis, I used to wave across the cul de sac to one of my neighbors (an older woman whom I hadn't met and hadn't seen up close). On my first visit to a new hair salon, the receptionist (an older woman) said there was a mix-up with my appointment and the stylist couldn't see me. I was steeming -- I'd left work early, fought traffic, and drove past my house to get here -- but I didn't say anything, kept a calm demeanor, and resisted the urge to 'give that receptionist a piece of my mind'. She asked me to have a seat and sent over another stylist. The other stylist very calmly explained the reason for the mix-up, apologized, and asked if I would mind if she did my hair. I nodded sympathetically and consented. Turns out, the receptionist was the neighbor to whom I waved across the cul de sac; she made the connection when I gave them my contact info. She introduced us to her family and let Christian stay at her home when I worked late. The stylist was the salon owner; she and her husband invited us to their church and became a great resource in helping us settle into our new city. NOTE: While not everyone deserves your respect, they do deserve to be treated respectfully.

Hardwork really is its own reward. Your work is a representation of you. Don't be associated with crap! One of the best compliments my husband ever gave me (shortly before we married) was that I was one of the most hardworking people he knew.

Don't back a person into a corner; always leave the opportunity for a graceful exit. About 15 years ago, I had a disagreement with a co-worker; we were actually yelling at each other in the office. We barely spoke to each other for the remainder of my employment (I was there another 2-3 years). As I prepared to leave, she said, "You know, you were right that time we had that big disagreement. But, I was so worked up and threatened, I couldn't back down and tell you that."

In relationships, you will have to do some things you don't want to do. And since no one wants to hear your complaining, act like you're having a good time! Adults do what they need to do, not just what they want to do. If the relationship -- with your child, sibling, parent, neighbor, spouse, co-worker, etc. -- is important to you, do what you need to do to nuture it. The payoff is huge!

I'll leave you with this scripture from Proverbs about wisdom:

3:18 She is like a tree of life to those who obtain her, and everyone who grasps hold of her will be blessed.

Amen and thank God!

You Talkin' to Me?!

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! Get over here and let's get started -- time's awastin'!

I'm 2010, your New Year.

I've been reviewing your file. Looks like you made some decent progress under my predecessor:

• July was a really good month with regard to your fitness goals. You rode your bike 19 times. Good job.


• You and your Sweetie had regular date nights. Looks like he was really surprised by that trip to the OC Fair to see a hypnotist and Anita Baker. Nice.


• Made time for travel and visited Seattle twice. Reconnected with some cousins. Sweet.


• Became more comfortable in your own skin, had a bit of a mid-life crisis and cut your hair. That was a bit extreme, but to each his own.

Looking forward, I think you're on the right track. It's a good idea to carry over some of your old goals. Let me make a few suggestions:

• Fitness: Keep riding the bike, but add more climbing. You're not getting any younger, so take your vitamins -- Calcium, Iron.

• Community Service: I know this sometimes takes more time than you really have, but stick with it. Mentors do make a difference in a kid's life.

• Family Time: It may not seem like it, but your efforts really are appreciated. Be sure to call your dad more often.

• Personal Improvement: Usted habla espanol? Necesita practicar, cada dia!!

• Marriage: Love the whole "date night" and the idea of surprising him, but cook those pork chops he likes more often, too.

And here are a few random items thrown in just for fun -- visit the Norton Simon Museum this Spring, you live so close, but you've never been; make time to go to the beach 2-3 times this Summer, I know how you love that; and take that belly dancing class, it'll be fun.

Well, I think this is enough to get you started. I'll be watching you, so. . .

Stay focused. Stay committed. Stay encouraged.

Optimistically yours,

2010

Goodbye, Old Friend

Dear 2009,

I am so glad I met you! I knew our time together would be limited, so I tried to make the most of it. You certainly lived up to all the hype!

Thank you for helping me realize several goals and being so supportive and a bit of a hard-ass! You made me stay focused and forced me into action when I would have languished.

Together, we rode my bike much more consistently than I ever have! Because of you pushing me, I met my 'Biker Chicks' and made some great new friends in addition to meeting my fitness goals. I even managed to do group rides more frequently and improve my performance. And, I didn't even whine (ok, maybe just a little bit) whenever my Sweetie took my on some new, more challenging course. You turned every obstacle into a triumph!

If not for you, I doubt we would have traveled as much as we did. Early on in our relationship, you said I could do it, but I wan't sure. Of course, you were right! Listening to you, we visited the Grand Canyon, friends in Santa Fe, and met our, now, beloved Seattle relatives. I really stepped out of my comfort zone when I went horsebacking riding in Colorado. That one resulted in a minor injury, but I would do it all over again!

It was during your watch that my marriage hit its stride, I think. My Sweetie doesn't know it, but you encouraged me to be "even more nice" to him. You knew we were in the trouble spot for marriages -- that whole 7 year itch thing -- and persuaded me to spice things up. It worked! I was less argumentative, more understanding, and not nearly as high strung as I am prone to be. That idea you had about making 'Date Night' a regular part of our routine was absolutely genius! The payoff was that my Sweetie noticed this change in my behavior and was more attentive, responsive, and appreciative. Definitely a win-win situation!

As I close, I think I'm most grateful for the way you gave me the confidence to be myself and really be comfortable in my own skin. Cutting my hair was the manifestation of this newfound confidence! I still can't believe you talked me into that! Sure, it's good to set goals and strive to be better, but you made me see, I'm kinda awesome just like I am.

I will miss you, Old Friend, but the lessons you taught will be with me forever.

Lovingly yours,
Sandra

Daddy's Little Girl, Still

I talked to my daddy today. Just hearing his voice makes me happy.

Me: Hi daddy. It's me!
My Dad: Hey, Baby!

Me (giggling): Do you even know who this is?
My Dad: Yeah, I know who this is. It's Sandra (not what he really calls me)

Me (still giggling): I love you, daddy!
My Dad: I love you a whole bunch, baby.

My Dad: Are you alright?
Me: I'm good, daddy. I just called to see how you were doing.

My dad has several daughters and we all sound alike to him, sometimes, on the telephone. He probably says the same thing to each of us. But, I know he means it every time.

I have no idea why I feel like crying right now. But, I don't let the tears come. My dad will hear it in my voice and think I'm sad. But, these aren't sad tears that are threatening to fall. My heart just misses my daddy and it's good to hear his voice.

My daddy did just what a daddy is supposed to do: He made me feel special and he made me feel safe.

You weren't going to push me down on the playground without there being some serious repercussions! Just ask the little boy who did! But, I still laugh when I remember my dad coming home and saying the boy pushed me down because he was going to marry me! Of course, I didn't get it then. But, that little boy never pushed me again. Luckily, my daddy taught me that men who love you, won't push you down.

We talk a bit longer and he tells me about teaching his caregiver to play cards and how he hasn't started betting on BINGO with the other seniors -- but he plans to! Reluctantly, I end our conversation.

Me: I'd better get back to work, but I love you, daddy. I'm coming to visit when the snow and ice melt.
My Dad: I love you, too, baby. I can't wait to see you.

Bye, daddy.



I would be remiss if I didn't give credit to my cousin, Patrice, who cares for my dad, allows him to live in the city he loves, and makes him put on a coat, hat, and scarf.